I just saw one of those \u201cdepression is just you with sad face\u201d posts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Depression is not one thing, and to put a blanket cause, effect and cure on it is an inherent distortion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is the situational depression, which can be triggered by events or trauma. There is the chemical depression, in which the brain\u2019s chemistry is out of whack and requires adjustment. That can be caused by any number of things, including hereditary factors.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Depression can be the result of an injury to the brain. It can have its roots in childhood or last Wednesday.\u00a0
The way it progresses and self perpetuates is where it is least understood by people who want a simple explanation.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here is what I know, and I will say from the get go that I am talking about MY depression. Your results may vary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mine has roots in hereditary, childhood \u201cstuff\u201d and situational causes. I know this because I have been trading punches with it for decades. It\u2019s a bit of circular issues, so I\u2019m going to just pick a point and go from there.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Much of it lies in patterns of thought. Mine is an endless series of negativity and self loathing. How it started, why it is that way, is something I have a small grasp on, but the \u201cwhy\u201d of it is, ultimately, not the point. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over many years, decades, those patterns of thought rewired my brain. Synaptic paths were forged, perhaps reinforcing paths that were laid down by family history. Depression does run in my family. So perhaps it is how I was \u201ctaught\u201d to think. But when those synapses fire, that pattern of thought is rewarded by my brain chemistry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What has worked for me is a combination of meds and therapy. Therapy alone didn\u2019t do it, because it fought an uphill battle against brain chemistry. Meds alone didn\u2019t do it, because while they level off the chemistry they do nothing for the patterns of thought. So that combination is, for me, essential to my survival.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Without it there was a constant argument in my head. If you could listen in you would have heard absolutely horrible things about me. Who I am. What I am. My place in the world and my effect on the people around me. And at regular intervals beginning when I woke up and ending when I went to sleep, the constant refrain \u201cI want to die\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then you would hear the other side of it. That was an internal scream, which was the only way I could put that thought down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
First came the meds. Because I was not in a position to address the patterns of thought while my brain chemistry was providing rewards for them. It took years to find the right combination.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then came relearning to think. I learned that the \u201cI want to die\u201d message was a remnant of a primitive part of my brain that could only communicate in binary terms. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes\/No<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On\/Off<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Live\/Die<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s how deep these patterns of thought run. There is no subtlety, no nuance. It\u2019s one or the other. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is the only way that part of my brain could communicate the more complex thought \u201cI want change.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t want to live this way. I don\u2019t want to hear that argument in my head. I don\u2019t want to lead the life those thoughts force me to lead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I was able to make that adjustment, when my brain chemistry had stabilized to the point that I could replace \u201cI want to die\u201d with the more nuanced and accurate thought \u201cI want change\u201d, I began to make progress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This process took me 40+ years. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do not attempt to oversimplify depression. It is not \u201cjust feeling sad\u201d, and for people who live with it the experience is overwhelming an far more complex than \u201cDo this.\u201d To diminish it in that way is to diminish the struggle, and does far more harm than good.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The idea that depression is only sadness comes from a profound misunderstanding of what depression actually is.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[9],"class_list":["post-138","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mental-health","tag-mental-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":142,"url":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/mental-health\/let-go-of-the-stigma\/","url_meta":{"origin":138,"position":0},"title":"Let go of the stigma","author":"The Official Michael Kuhl","date":"July 27, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Depression can be managed. But before that can happen it must be acknowledged. The stigma often prevents that.","rel":"","context":"In "Depression"","block_context":{"text":"Depression","link":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/category\/mental-health\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":419,"url":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/blog\/releasing-the-stigma\/","url_meta":{"origin":138,"position":1},"title":"Releasing the Stigma","author":"The Official Michael Kuhl","date":"June 21, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Standing between us and successful depression management is the stigma. 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Learn to see it\u2019s absurdity.","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/category\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":403,"url":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/blog\/expectation-vs-reality\/","url_meta":{"origin":138,"position":3},"title":"Expectation vs Reality","author":"The Official Michael Kuhl","date":"October 1, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"There is an aspect of depression that is rooted in the gap between expectation and reality. Which, ironically, is also where comedy lives.","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/category\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":222,"url":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/mental-health\/where-the-dangerous-thoughts-live\/","url_meta":{"origin":138,"position":4},"title":"Where the dangerous thoughts live","author":"The Official Michael Kuhl","date":"February 22, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Understanding suicidal thoughts is the key to controlling them.","rel":"","context":"In "Depression"","block_context":{"text":"Depression","link":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/category\/mental-health\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":394,"url":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/blog\/thoughts-on-a-low-point\/","url_meta":{"origin":138,"position":5},"title":"Thoughts on a low point","author":"The Official Michael Kuhl","date":"May 25, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Wherein I attempt to explain the extreme lows.","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/category\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=138"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":211,"href":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138\/revisions\/211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=138"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=138"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=138"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}