\u201cI want to die.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For years that was my first thought in the morning, and the thought I took to bed with me. It was always there in the background, waiting for the opportunity to break through my cognitive thoughts to take the center stage.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I learned what it was, I had control over it.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It comes from the binary part of the brain, the part that can only communicate in absolutes. Yes\/no, black\/white, good\/bad. It is primal, and incapable of nuance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is a deeply felt, desperate desire for change. You want change at the very core of your being, and the binary part of the brain expresses it in an absolute.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On\/off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Live\/die.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Once you accept that, you can replace the \u201cI want to die\u201d with the more accurate, nuanced thought that it is.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI want change.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So much of depression lies in patterns of thought. Break those patterns, shout down the damaging thoughts and replace them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You don\u2019t want to die. You want change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Change you can do. Change is possible.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Understanding suicidal thoughts is the key to controlling them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[9],"class_list":["post-222","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mental-health","tag-mental-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":138,"url":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/mental-health\/depression-is-not-you-with-sad-face\/","url_meta":{"origin":222,"position":0},"title":"Depression is not \u201cYou with sad face\u201d.","author":"The Official Michael Kuhl","date":"September 14, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"The idea that depression is only sadness comes from a profound misunderstanding of what depression actually is.","rel":"","context":"In "Depression"","block_context":{"text":"Depression","link":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/category\/mental-health\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":142,"url":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/mental-health\/let-go-of-the-stigma\/","url_meta":{"origin":222,"position":1},"title":"Let go of the stigma","author":"The Official Michael Kuhl","date":"July 27, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Depression can be managed. 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