I had a conversation today with a friend whose son is having issues with anxiety and depression.\u00a0 I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. So here is what I would like to say to him. It’s strikingly similar to what I would say to myself at that age. From someone who has battled depression and anxiety for the majority of his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Take a deep breath.\u00a0 Relax. Breathe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Everyone talks to themselves.\u00a0 The depressed tell themselves horrible things.\u00a0 What’s worse, we believe them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you talk to yourself, you can argue with yourself.\u00a0 When your thoughts try to take you down, scream at them. If you could hear the inside of my head you would hear a constant back and forth argument, \u00a0some horrible thing said, followed by a silent scream.\u00a0 I argue those thoughts away.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You can do that too. Listen to your thoughts. Find the shittiest one. Whenever it comes up, in your head scream “No!” Tell it all the reasons it’s a lie. Because it is.\u00a0 I promise. Soon that voice will fade and another will take its place. Scream at that one too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is the fight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Deep breaths.\u00a0 Relax. Remember to breath.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The future does not exist yet. The past is unchangeable. You are here, right now. It is the only thing that is real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If there is something in your past that makes you feel horrible, \u00a0let it go. You have learned everything you need to learn from it. You don’t need to carry it with you. Now is enough.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I actually think that to myself. \u00a0“I have learned all there is to learn from you. I don’t need you any more.” It has worked well for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you have expectations of the future, \u00a0let them go. This was particularly difficult for me.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The future doesn’t exist yet, and you are not psychic. Your future will be defined by who you are right now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now is enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The future does not consult us. It doesn’t care. Ditch as many of your preconceived notions as you can. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They are anchors that hold you in one place. The fewer anchors you have, the easier it is to roll with the tide. That will serve you better than anything else.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Breathe.\u00a0 Relax. Remember to breathe.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here’s a bit that will probably make your mom happy.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Self medication doesn’t help. It delays.\u00a0 Drugs and booze won’t solve the problem, \u00a0they feed it. Trust me on this one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Breathe.\u00a0 Relax and breathe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your mom says she doesn’t worry about you hurting yourself, \u00a0but you know her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I spent years waking up with the first thought in my head being a strong and loud “I want to die.”
Let me tell you what that thought actually is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did not want to die. My mind was in despair, \u00a0and that was the only thought it could come up with to communicate what I really want to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I want change.\u00a0 I don’t want live the way I’m living.\u00a0 I want to stop hurting.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0When “I want to die” popped into my head, it was met with the mental scream, and I replaced it with what I want to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your mom has told me enough about you for me to know you have the courage for that. You are a brave man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And don’t forget to breathe and relax.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You get to decide who you are. It is the greatest creative act of humanity.\u00a0 The definition of ourselves. \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nobody can do this for you, and anyone who thinks they can is deluded.\u00a0 This belongs to you, and only you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You will become the man you will become.\u00a0 With your unique perspective, \u00a0and your unique presence in the world. You will take what you like from those you respect. What you don’t like, toss it. You don’t need it.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know your mother. You have all the genetic raw material to be a loving, \u00a0caring, \u00a0kind and gentle man. The best of us. It’s all there. You can be your own gift to the rest of the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don’t worry about it. It will happen. You barely need to lift a finger.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Know that there are more people behind you than against you. People you aren’t even aware of. You have love and support in places you can’t imagine.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And those against you? They don’t matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Relax. Breathe. Love. Be loved. Now is enough.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Originally for a dear friend\u2019s son. <\/p>\n
But now for anyone who needs it. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,6],"tags":[9],"class_list":["post-417","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-mental-health","tag-mental-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":138,"url":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/mental-health\/depression-is-not-you-with-sad-face\/","url_meta":{"origin":417,"position":0},"title":"Depression is not \u201cYou with sad face\u201d.","author":"The Official Michael Kuhl","date":"September 14, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"The idea that depression is only sadness comes from a profound misunderstanding of what depression actually is.","rel":"","context":"In "Depression"","block_context":{"text":"Depression","link":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/category\/mental-health\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":142,"url":"https:\/\/www.mkuhl.com\/index.php\/mental-health\/let-go-of-the-stigma\/","url_meta":{"origin":417,"position":1},"title":"Let go of the stigma","author":"The Official Michael Kuhl","date":"July 27, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Depression can be managed. 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